Edward Satay Hands
by TrinJ
Summary: A parody of the excellent movie - Avon representative Peg meets a young man with chicken satay skewers for hands. How did he end up this way? How will he live a normal life? And more importantly, what will the neighbours say? Find out here. Reviews welcomed.
1. Chapter 1

'Avon calling!' Peg chirruped brightly as she pressed the doorbell. Tapping the foot of one neat, Mary-Jane style shoe, she waited for a few minutes. Another no answer – her fifth this morning! Honestly, people could be so rude. They could at least answer the door to say they weren't interested in affordable, quality makeup.

There was one last place on her list – she had never called there before, but today after so many no-shows, Peg was determined to make a sale. This last place was up a small hill, through some rusty old gates, and looked somewhat like a castle. It was probably under renovations, as PEG couldn't imagine someone wanting to live there if the inside was as in bad shape as the outside.

Pursing her lips slightly in irritation, then fixing on her mega-bright smile as she had been trained to, Peg headed up the hill slowly. The box of Avon products wasn't too heavy but it was a cumbersome shape and if it got tipped the wrong way, all the lipsticks and pencils could get damaged.

Pulling a cord that she hoped was the doorbell, Peg listened for some sound within. Pressing her ear to the door in order to hear anything from the depths of the enormous house, Peg stumbled a little and realised that the door was in fact, open.

It was not uncommon to leave doors unlocked – this was only a small town after all – but to leave them ajar like that was a little unusual.

On a whim, Peg opened the door fully and took a few steps inside. The house smelled old – musty and of old food. There was a clatter upstairs, alerting PEG that there was someone home. But there was no urge for her to leave as she was in fact, trespassing; definitely not something that Avon condoned.

'Hello?' Peg called, hoping for an answer or some acknowledgment of her presence, but there was none. Another clatter and some light, hurried footsteps came from the room above her head. What if there was an animal trapped up there? The house was clearly abandoned and if doors were left open then a stray something or other could easily have wandered in and got stuck burrowing through a pile of junk.

Hurrying up the stairs, the faster to help the poor creature, Peg cursed her cumbersome box, but couldn't bring herself to put it down in case it got dirty.

The staircase was a short climb, and on reaching the first floor of what looked like three, Peg detected movement in the corner of her eye under a desk. But it wasn't an animal. It was a young man!


	2. Chapter 2

Peg could hardly believe her eyes. This man was the palest man she had ever seen. He was slender and probably, were he to unfurl from his foetal position, he would be quite tall.

'You don't have to be scared Sir. I'm sorry for disturbing you…I'm your local Avon representative!' Peg's script went right out the window, as she had already gained access to the house. What now?

'I'd love to show you some of our wonderful products, if you would let me help you up; give me your hand and-' A wooden skewer was presented with a few flakes of old, dry chicken on it, bringing a waft of spiced peanut.

'Oh no thank you dear, I'm not hung-Oh my. Those are your hands?!' And indeed they were. Instead of the pale, thin hands Peg expected, there was just a single Satay chicken skewer at the end of each arm. How they were attached, she could not see, for, excluding these skewers and his head, the man was covered in a leather all in one suit.

Uncurling from his cramped position under the desk, the man – barely a man really, he was so young, but not a boy either – stood and surveyed her with wide, terrified, dark eyes.

'It's okay, you're safe now' Peg murmured, hoping if he couldn't understand her then at least her tone was soothing. His face has some marks on it, no doubt from trying to feed himself or scratch himself with his skewer hands. The chicken on them was long gone, but there were a few dry scraps and bits of dried sauce on them, so it was easy to tell that they were the remains of chicken satay skewers. How on earth could he have ended up this way?!

'Well, now that I'm here, why don't I try out a few products on your face to even out any blemishes you may have?' Peg nodded and smiled encouragingly. The man copied her movement and then stayed stock still while she bent down to open her box of tricks, which she had dropped on the floor in her surprise at his condition.

First, a paste to even out the scars that were raised, and those that had left craters in his skin. While Peg worked, she chatted.

'Can you tell me your name sweetie?' She wondered if he could talk at all, but he responded in the smallest voice she had ever heard. If there had been a breath of wind, she would have missed it.

'Edward'.

'And a lovely name it is too! Alright Edward, now that I've applied this paste, I'm going to apply some liquid foundation for a good base, and then we will start to build up some colour and definition in those cheeks!'

Five minutes later, Peg realised that there was not a cream in the world that was going to make this poor chap look normal, not even her wonderful Avon products would fix him. She would have to take him home and give him a bed and some warm food and take him to a doctor. Kimmy was away at camp, so he could stay in her room a few days while she figured out what on earth to do.

'You must be very lonely up here. Would you like to come home with me for a little while?' The youth looked so innocent and terrified, and as he nodded slowly, Peg wondered what on earth she had got herself into.

She would soon find out.


End file.
